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Areal: Smelly Steak and Wine

[Bad Food]

Someone once said it didn’t matter how nice a restaurant is…

Areal: Smelly Steak and Wine

Areal Restaurant, 2820 Main Street, Santa Monica (Venice Beach), CA
dined: December 15, 2016

by Reviewer Rob

I felt like going out for steak the other night so I tried a new place and went to Areal in Venice Beach, a kind of upscale looking restaurant, and ordered this filet mignon and a glass of 2013 Cabernet. I had cause to celebrate due to recent events that had went my way and although I was alone didn’t mind spending a little extra. Pictured below is the plate they served me. Looks good, doesn’t it? What the pic doesn’t capture was the smell. Maybe it was the “reduced port” sauce or whatever it was topping it, but I swear to god when the waitress brought it to me the aroma of stale socks mixed with armpits tinged with a whiff of rancid vagina began emanating from the plate. I was, however, really hungry for steak so I ate everything. Two hours later the stink still recurred from my facial hair despite washing my face and brushing my teeth. But hey, at least the wine was good.

About the visual presentation of the food: I immediately noticed the strange way the meat was arranged on top of the disc of runny mashed potatoes, not beside, which were covered in what the menu described as “peppered” spinach. At first I didn’t think much of it until after dinner was finished and paid for. Then the smell and ambiance fully sank in. The visual effect coupled with the aroma made me wince in amusement as a subconscious reminder sitting on the table before me of the piles of fresh cow manure I’d avoid as a kid hiking in the undeveloped land that cattle grazed in near my suburban home many years ago. This Areal restaurant dish was piled like a cow paddy.

Maybe it was a class-separation issue for the management or waitstaff. I was wearing Wrangler jeans from Walmart and dining alone, clearly not part of the local Venice Beach hipster crowd. A friend on Instagram who’s in with the Hollywood royalty commented that maybe if I had an apple-core hairdo, trimmed beard, $500 rolled up jeans and “stupid Nick Fouqet $1000 hat” I would have received better service.

Someone also who knew the LA nightlife scene really well once said on the radio that it doesn’t matter how nice a restaurant is the kitchen can still, let’s say, “mess with” your food in a pretty egregious way. Maybe the anal aroma filet mignon was unintentional (?) but on top of serving me a steak that smelled like farts they tried to charge me for a Kentucky Bourbon Pecan Pie that the waitress had came back and told me they were out of. Bleagh! I won’t be going back to you, Areal. I could have had a 12-ounce sirloin and house red at Applebee’s. The dinner would have been better and everything would have cost less than half what your ripoff bill came to.

I pointed the error out to the waitress who apologized profusely. After the manager removed the pecan pie from the bill my check came to like $62 and change. Of course I tipped the waitress since she wasn’t the worst, and I can’t prove it was her fault the steak smelled like butthole and stale socks, but I only gave her around ten percent. I don’t know. Maybe these assholes are just stupid and have no idea what they’re doing. Even so, see you later Areal, MUCH later.

This steak smelled worse that unwashed armpit, or gym socks wiped with rancid vag.
This steak smelled worse that unwashed armpit, or gym socks wiped with rancid vag.
They even erroneously added the undelivered pecan pie to my tab.
They even erroneously added the undelivered pecan pie to my tab.
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food review: The Acropolis, PDX

[Food Review]

The Acropolis, Portland, Oregon

by Reviewer Rob

[Origninally posted on Instagram 10-30-16]

Man, That was so RAD! I’m here in PDX for the weekend on super secret Reviewer business and was hungry for a big filling dinner so I stopped into this roadside steakhouse called the Acropolis because it looked cool and then it’s an amazing stealth strip joint DISGUISED as a restaurant. They not only have three big stages with a bevy of insanely hot naked strippers, they also have over five dozen beers on tap!!!

The 8 ounce steak dinner (the waitress brought me a plate with what looked like TWO six ouncers on it, perfectly cooked) was only $7, so with the five buck door fee you’re only in for twelve before beers and tips. I spent more than that of course because I was wearing a t-shirt that referenced my hometown so I had to tip like a Shriner on Bangkok vacation. Worth it! Sometimes you go to a new place and it’s like okay that was interesting but I don’t really need to go back.;With this it’s more like where I’d like to not only return but I’d bring friends and buy lunch or dinner for people I want to really impress.

And did I mention the girls here are FULLY NUDE insanely HOT AND LIKE TO GET REAL CLOSE AND NASTY?! WOOOOOOOOO ?!?!?!?!? !!!! @ # $

My dinner, shot by with (with permission from my waitress, that's her receipt book tucked in her pocket above the table).
My dinner, shot by me (with permission from my waitress, that’s her receipt book tucked in her pocket above the table).
The Acropolis (photo from Google image search)
The Acropolis (photo from Google image search)
The Acropolis (photo from Google image search)
The Acropolis (photo from Google image search)
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Lucky Lizard Delicatessen & Catering

For Fine Dining At A Fine Price Come To The Lucky Lizard

1979 Mohawk
Springfield, OR 97477
Phone: 541-844-1605

Thomas Stibich, Proprietor
541-554-4062


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Really Bad Food Review: Oggie’s Encinitas

Really Bad Food Review: Oggie’s Encinitas

December 8, 2015
by Reviewer Rob

View on Instagram

I just tried to eat at Oggie’s pizza on my Encinitas Blvd. and it was THE WORST. I made the mistake of asking the waitress if they had “fresh garlic” in the kitchen. She said yes so I asked for a special favor, if she could request the cook to chop up a clove and put it in an order of spaghetti. No problem.

Came back stinking rotton. I tried eating some and when she asked how it was I told her it didn’t smell right. She said she saw him chop it up, “little yellow” cloves, she said.

Fresh garlic isn’t yellow. No wonder it smelled rotton. The garlic was stale and should have been discarded.

So she replaced the dish with a chicken salad that was like bad high school cafeteria food.

Worst fucking dinner ever. Will never go back to this shitty place.

— at Oggi’s Pizza & Brewing Company– Encinitas.

Both plates were AWFUL GROSS! I paid for this salad but after three bites left it like you see it here. The poor waitress who.lied to me — I’m pretty sure that was garlic powder on top of the spaghetti — still got a tip but only a dollar.

Bad Foo Review: Oggie's Encinitas
Bad Foo Review: Oggie’s Encinitas