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Beer Snob Rob’s beer review: “Agave Maria” from Lost Abbey

Beer handle display and assorted bar kitch, Live Wire.
Beer handle display and assorted bar kitch, Live Wire.
[Beer Snob Rob]

review: “Agave Maria” from Lost Abbey

by Reviewer Rob

So I was at this cozy little neighborhood bar called Live Wire tonight, having an arty short glass of “Agave Maria” (like “Ave Maria”, the song?) from Lost Abbey brewery.

Its taste is strong and thick, like molassesey cough syrup with a hint of stale bong water. A bit more medinciney than I usually drink but I like it.

At first Matt said it’s like 7 or 8% but after doing some online research he came back and says it’s a 13.5 and that it’s “aged in Agave barrels”.

On another happy side note: Matt Strachota from BARTENDERS BIBLE, Live Wire bartender and Americana old-timey music style aficionado, will be headlining TOMORROW NIGHT, Wednesday, 1-11-17, at The Office (ye olde Scolari’s Office for you long-time SD barflys) for a dance-tastic night of Americana music where he turns the joint into “The Grande Old Office”.

Should be interesting and I plan on being there to take some photos. Then on Friday night, his other band BARTENDERS BIBLE with Matt Parker and Jason Corbin will play The Black Cat Bar in City Heights.

And it’s Friday The Thirteenth. So knock on wood before you step out for a drink and some great country-bluesy-bluegrassy type music. ~RR

Dark, dank, mysterious, strong: "Agave Maria" from Lost Abbey
Dark, dank, mysterious, strong: “Agave Maria” from Lost Abbey
BARTENDERS BIBLE, Friday the 13th, at Black Cat Bar!!!
BARTENDERS BIBLE, Friday the 13th, at Black Cat Bar!!!

Workhorse IPA, a local brew

in Portland, the Northwest Beer and Stripper Capitol

by Reviewer Rob

So I’m waiting to fly out of Portland at PDX and having only my second beer during this trip. The other was at The Kit Kat Club next to VG Donuts over the weekend. It was a mild amber IPA from Laurelwood, a local brewery, just like this one here right now. It was only 7.5 ABV and smooth and sweet. I looked closely at the pull handle tab this time and read the name of the beer. It was “Workhorse” but I had to adjust my glasses and squint my eyes from across the bar to look a second time harder at the small writing because at first I read it as “Whorehouse IPA”.

Go Portland Beavers.

#pdx #localbeer #laurelwoodbrewery
#portlandoregon

Workhose IPA, from Laurelwood Brewery, PDX. It's not "Whorehouse IPA".
Workhose IPA, from Laurelwood Brewery, PDX. It’s not “Whorehouse IPA”.

The Hand Of Glory

[Occult]

The Hand Of Glory

at California Institute Of Abnormalarts

Illustration of a Hand Of Glory and how it was used as a candle during a burglary.
Illustration of a Hand Of Glory and how it was used as a candle during a burglary.

by Reviewer Rob

A Hand of Glory was a tool used by malefactors in the criminal underworld of yesteryear. Think of it like a kind of supernatural roofie used by burglars and other such nefarious bad actors. Taken from the corpse of a hanged man, the hand was dried, pickled and mummified according to a special process and then it made a thieves’ job easier by eliminating resistance from the occupants of house or building they wanted to rob. Some accounts also said they allowed entry through locked doors.

This of course made it an object of immense value to a certain social element. According to one account, in Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets, Draco Malfoy sees a Hand of Glory in Borgin and Burkes, the dark arts specialist shop, and is told that it “gives light only to the holder.” He buys and later uses it in Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince. These purported special power may be why one was reportedly found secreted inside the wall of an old house in Yorkshire, England, recently. Perhaps it was put there long ago for safe-keeping or for some other “magic” reason. The California Institute Of Abnormalarts in Burbank has a Hand Of Glory among its strange collection of occult kitch if you’d like to see one in the beef-jerkied flesh. According to the owner Carl Crew, “it tastes like teriyaki.”

Hand of Glory:
A grisly magical charm popular with thieves in the sixteenth and seventeenth centuries, the hand of glory was a candle made from the dried hand of a hanged convict through a complicated recipe that also included herbs, horse dung, peppers, and salt. The hand would be carefully mummified, and then joined to or turned into a candle using tallow from a hanged corpse. (whether this is from the same corpse is apparently irrelevant). Set alight, the hand is said to have the power to render the occupants of a household insensible, making burglary a simple task.
From: spelloftheday.tumblr.com

Pictured below: The Hand of Glory under glass and on exhibit at The California Institute of Abnormalarts, 11334 Burbank Boulevard, North Hollywood, California 91601. When asked about its provenance CIA proprietor Carl Crew would only say it was dated from 1709 and of Scottish origin. Asked how he got it, his pointed reply was “I’m an art dealer, man.” Photo by ReviewerPhoto.com.

Hand Of Glory, under glass, at California Institute of Abnormalarts. Photo by Reviewer Rob, ReviewerPhoto.com.
Hand Of Glory, under glass, at California Institute of Abnormalarts. Photo by Reviewer Rob, ReviewerPhoto.com.