A Collection of Reasons I Hate Thom Yorke
by Kira Sandage
I saw Radiohead a few weeks ago and actually broke out in a rash. I blame Thom Yorke. It was similar to watching a band play and then this retarded kid runs on stage and starts making animal noises, but no one can tell him to leave because that would mean. And then the retarded kid wanders onto the tour bus and thus Radiohead is born. There apparently was a UFO sighting at that concert that I some how missed. Check out the photos on the Coast to Coast AM website, here.
I hate to judge based on physical reactions, but any band that makes me break out in a rash is probably not one I should listen to. I’m completely serious too. During the show I looked down at my legs and they had broken out in a rash. Wasn’ there when I came in, wasn’t there when Deerhoof was playing. Thom Yorke came on and all of a sudden I’m having an allergic reaction. The only upsides were free nachos from some mother who must have thought we looked hungry, Deerhoof, and finding a crack pipe next to the fence. At least I got to take something home besides inflamed and itching flesh.
I tried to like the show, I really did. I wanted to have fun so badly. But I couldn’t. The whole time he was on stage all I could think was, “You know, I could be in bed right now.” and “I wonder if Yorke is having an epileptic fit up there. At least he’d have an excuse for acting that way.” I do like Johnny Greenwood though. He tuned in to the Naval transmissions in the area (which of there are a lot), and did some tape loop based music for a while. Of course, Thom Yorke did feel it was absolutely necessary to jump in and “improve” the song and that tape loop-induced euphoria evaporated. I think Radiohead would be a much better band if someone pulled a John Lennon on Yorke’s ass. Not that I’m advocating that.
Johnny Greenwood is the only thing about Radiohead I can get even remotely excited about. I liked the dub reggae influences and his tape loop work. I’m sure if I bothered to look up his solo work, I’d be into it. The drumming really pissed me off though. You can tell in their studio recordings they ran a drum machine through filters to make it sound even mildly interesting. A live drummer just cannot make that sort of beat sound aurally arousing. Well, at least not Phil Selway. It was like listening to soggy bread.
People keep telling me, “Radiohead is fun! You should give them a chance!” Fun?Radiohead is fun like castrating myself with a broken popsicle stick is fun. One dipped in medical waste. That’s pretty much exactly how I describescribe the kind of “fun” Thom Yorke and company embody to me.
What also interests me is that Yorke once said something to the effect of, “Radiohead is like the United Nations. But I’m America.” Of course I’m paraphrasing here, but you get the idea. After the release of The Eraser it’s very clear that we need to reconsider that statement. It’s become very apparent that Thom Yorke needs Radiohead, but Radiohead doesn’t necessarily need Thom Yorke.
To recap in short, Thom Yorke is one of the worst singers of all time. Get out while you still can, Johnny. KS