Andrew “Dice” Clay: Fucking Poetic Filth

By Jaime Dunkle*

On 7-11-2006 The Diceman performed at The Improv in West Palm Beach, FL.
At the very beginning of the show Dice showed no mercy as he shredded a bald and fat grumpy old man in the front row who refused to laugh. Throughout the show Dice continued to flawlessly lay into him. “You don’t need to laugh…Fucking hysterical at a FUNERAL, that’s YOU!” “The man that doesn’t need to laugh at anything!”

Of course that opened up an onslaught of insults toward the audience. “Wash your ass, it’s hot in Florida.” And, my favorite, “That’s YOU. You fucking zero of a person!” He picked on nearly EVERYONE. Constantly urging, “You think I don’t know you? I know you!”

Andrew “Dice” Clay had all new material, of course. Despite his crass delivery that I love so fucking much, it was impossible to deny the truth behind the scenarios he so colorfully spewed on the mic. I felt especially elated when he ripped on the ugly dog-faced cunt-whores from Sex In The City. “She [insert actress’ name] fucked so many guys on that show that her cunt must look like Rocky’s eye.”

One of the funniest routines was when he was talking about an imaginary unhappy couple touring Vegas. It was full of the sad pathetic truth about “holding clammy hands” looking at a “fucking fake Brooklyn bridge” and the husband spends all the dough behind the wife’s back. “What is she gonna do? Fucking leave me?” It would be a favor, you know?

Apparently he really hates striped shirts. He ripped on a few audience members for wearing them, including my big brother who decided to yell out during the show. I think Dice called him a “Jerk-off face.”

Needless to say, this comic genius and legend, the only comedian to sell out Madison Square Garden, still has the biggest balls in stand-up history. All he wants to do in the heat is cum on people! So watch out if you catch his show in the summer! JD

*I will now take the opportunity to let the world know that Andrew “Dice” Clay saved my life the winter of 2004. I was considering suicide in the Pacific NW when I re-watched him on the Arsenio Hall show where he cried and talked about how if you pursue your dreams they WILL happen. I snapped out of it and decided to focus on my projects from that day on. Dice, thank you. I have always loved your comedy, ever since I was li’l. DICE RULES!

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