[Splatstick Video]

Back 2 School

Reviewing a new straight-to-Walmart summer horror comedy from James Balsamo.

Bite School 2 by James Balsamo begins with a campy scene of a group of people standing alongside a nude supine woman laying in front of a fake headstone and the comedy is off to a good yet strange start with closeup shots of her boobalacious body parts as they are being whipped by tentacles. “Lesbian Mafia” is mentioned with a “6-hour” monologue by Robot Dracula. Then there’s some guy that gets transformed into a werewolf.

There’s several references by Balsamo’s character to cannabis dispensaries. Weed, naked girls, and killing vampires is sort of a running theme. The Hollywood movie industry and vampires, apparently it’s an undead archetype even in the post-Covid shutdown era.

Vampires, virgin sacrifices, werewolves, men in shlocky stage fights punctuated by interpretive dance. Vlad The Impaler battles a large flying big-eared bat thing. Then there’s a “Snack Attack on Buena Vista today.” The stoner theme runs strong throughout. Did I mention naked girls? Cheesy zebra jokes. Eighth-grade humor for kids with access to their dad’s cannabis. Director Balsamo wears a shirt with the word “FART” printed on it throughout.

This review movie file is 1-hour and 32-minutes long, but I have a short clip of a Krampus combat scene in it on the Reviewer Substack HERE, or HERE.

Eh, I’ll just embed it here:

Bite School 2 is not an easy one to review. There’s scant identifiable plot to speak of. It’s a series of kitschy skits, spackled with I guess some inside humor.

Here’s the press release:

“Bite School 2: Bite Squad, the zany adventures continue as Tony and his trusty pal Spat the bat embark on a globe-trotting mission to thwart the sinister Robot Dracula and his mutant vampire horde-all before the dispensary closes its doors for the night! Racing against time, our unlikely heroes set out to dismantle the vampire regime by hunting down the notorious head honchos, Rat-U-La and Karampus the Kramp-ire. Their daring plan? To trigger a chain reaction that reverses the curse, turning every bitten victim back into a human. With the quirky and resourceful Bite Squad backing them up, Tony and Spat face off against high-tech terror and fanged foes in a battle where every splat counts. Will they succeed in stopping Robot Dracula, or will the world be doomed to a future of fang-filled chaos? Find out in this hilariously offbeat, splatstick sequel that’s as outrageous as it is action-packed!”

The large ensemble style cast look like they’re having a great time in this straight-to-Walmart “splatstick” release. So for those interested in hitting up Mr. Balsamo to see about being in his next project, he’s on Facebook.

Here’s a link for James Balsamo’s listing on moviesunlimited.com.