\n[Reprinted here with permission by the author from the April 28th entry at thefrisky.com<\/a>. ~Editor]<\/p>\n
![](\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/cdn.thefrisky.com\/images\/uploads\/Shun-Shag-GS-042810-m.jpg?w=900\")
<\/p>\n
Shun, Shag or Marry<\/h4>\n
The Goldman Sachs bosses are in hot water. The Subcommittee on Investigations made sure they were thorough with a nearly 11-hour questioning of them this week, asking whether their firm \u201cmade significant bets against the mortgage industry while selling their clients toxic assets.\u201d Basically, while the economy went down the crapper, these guys were raking in dough. While I would love to shun the lot of them, because I am a respectable journalist, it is my job to decide which Goldman Sachs bosses should be shunned, shagged, or married. [Huffington Post, Daily Mail]
\n
\nSHUN: Lloyd C. Blankfein<\/b>
\nBlankfein has been Chairman of the Board and CEO since 2006 and was voted \u201cThe Most Outrageous CEO of 2009\u201d by Forbes magazine and alternatively, \u201c2009 Person of the Year,\u201d by the Financial Times, which stated, \u201cHis bank has stuck to its strengths, unashamedly taken advantage of the low interest rates and diminished competition resulting from the crisis to make big trading profits.\u201d Yeah, I think it\u2019s that \u201cunashamedly taken advantage of\u201d that people are so riled up about. He once joked that he was \u201cdoing God\u2019s work\u201d and unapologetically said that Goldman Sachs probably would have survived without the government bail-out. He is also one of the highest paid executives ever. He does get points for being involved in charities. But he loses points for looking a lot like Verne \u201cMini-Me\u201d Troyer. And he has this really crazed look in his eyes. [Financial Times]
\n
\nSHAG: Gary D. Cohn<\/b>
\nCohn is the Chairman, Chief Executive Officer and Director at Goldman Sachs. He makes nearly as much as Blankfein but isn\u2019t such a loon. Cohn and his wife grew up together in Ohio and have three kids, which proves he\u2019s not a psychopath. Maybe. Plus, they work together with several child psychiatry charities. Cohn\u2019s not particularly shag-able, and the severe line across his forehead is super distracting, but after seeing stills from Verne Troyer\u2019s porn, there\u2019s no way we\u2019re letting Blankfein into bed. Cohn was also the only man in the top three that went to American University instead of Harvard, which might mean he won\u2019t rub that in your face when you mention your alma mater and maybe he couldn\u2019t rely on his school\u2019s reputation and connections and had to work a little harder. Either way, he was just the second least awful choice.
\n
\nMARRY: David A. Viniar <\/b>
\nExecutive VP Viniar has been with the company since 1999 and is also head of the Operations, Technology, Finance, and Services Division … which seems like a lot. I can maybe look past the fact that one of his emails from 2006 said, \u201cOn everything else my basic message was let\u2019s be aggressive distributing things because there will be very good opportunities as the markets goes [sic] into what is likely to be even greater distress and we want to be in position to take advantage of them.\u201d Maybe because I feel like the fact that Viniar\u2019s worth is almost half that (at an estimated $35 million) of Blankfein and Cohn, he\u2019s got to be less at fault for the financial crisis. Plus, I\u2019m really shallow and appreciate the fact that Viniar has a full head of hair and full lips. He also has a really soothing voice and when he\u2019s talking in financial jargon, I can fall asleep in two minutes flat. Which is really all I can ask for in a husband. <\/p>\n
~OA<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Goldman Sachs Sucks by Olivia Allin [Reprinted here with permission by the author from the April 28th entry at thefrisky.com. ~Editor] Shun, Shag or Marry The Goldman Sachs bosses are in hot water. The Subcommittee on Investigations made sure they were thorough with a nearly 11-hour questioning of them this week, asking whether their firm \u201cmade significant bets against the […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[579],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-2362","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-reflected-news"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":104,"url":"https:\/\/reviewermag.com\/press\/2006\/07\/24\/the-devil-wearsprada-movie-review\/","url_meta":{"origin":2362,"position":0},"title":"The Devil WearsPrada movie review","author":"admin","date":"July 24, 2006","format":false,"excerpt":"The Devil Disappoints in Prada By Christina Armani If you go to see The Devil Wears Prada this summer you may be in for a big disappointment. 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