dvd review: VAMPIRE CHEERLEADERS, from Burning Angel

[DVD Review]


From the 2015 AEE Trade Show in Las Vegas: Burning Angel’s Tattoo Porn

reviewed by Bob Younger

STARRING: Joanna Angel (also Director), Jessie Lee, Krissie Dee, Veronica Layke, Draven Star, Small Hands, Seth Gamble, Tommy Pistol, Mr Pete, Tommy Pistol, Wolf Hudson

The VAMPIRE CHEERLEADERS dvd was in a schwag bag being given out in the hallway of the AEE show in Vegas yesterday along with a neoprene beerbottle-cupholder and a couple of fliers for The Stockroom.

The acting in this scripted porn starting out is so bad, just retarded awful, but maybe that’s their niche at Burning Angel. One of the original alternative porn girls website owners, Joanna Angel is an unabashed limits-pusher when it comes to what’s socially acceptable or correct. Her porn is like skits put on for her and her friends to have fun with. You’re just along for the ride. Haha – I almost typoed: “just along for the rise” har har!

The sex and the “Extra Shit” part of this disc makes up for any thespianic deficit though. The inked girls, especially the perfect body of Joanna Angel, look great when their production stills are being shot. They’re more watchable when they’re being themselves or just fucking, not fucking acting. All the cast are good and yeah if you like hot female flesh you’ll be turned on by the sexy photoshoot striptease this heavily tattooed vixen Joanna puts on. Her tits and ass are world class AWESOME!

Back in the main part of this dvd, Tommy Pistol goes over the top by hamming it up with his “sensitive werewolf” act. His hyperbolic emotiveness is some funny stuff. The guy has no shame, and it shows.

So the story goes like this: Joanna and her girls are trying to get into the state finals with their cheerleading squad. But they have a problem. They’re vampires. They have this urge to keep killing people to eat their blood and stuff. It’s getting in the way of their success. They also piss off Tommy’s character the werewolf by snubbing him because he doesn’t quite fit in to their idea of coolness, because they’re vampires, you see. Vampires are sexy and cool. Werewolves are hairy and not sexy. They’re not cool. Tommy’s werewolf just wants acceptance. He tells them he’s “different” like they are and has cheering skills that can be put to use by the girls on the squad. But they’ll have none of it and turn him away, insultingly shaming him into baleful howls of sadness (he’s a werewolf so his cries are howls).

He gets revenge in the end though by killing all the murderous vampire cheerleaders. But even that’s without satisfaction because he’s overcome with guilt when he realizes he has anger management issues.

Hey wait, vampires can’t die. Oh well, sorry, these vampires in Joanna’s porn version of the cheerleading world certainly die. Boy do they die. Spoiler alert: life sucks and then you die.

Seriously. Check out this dvd’s “Extra Shit” section. It’ll make you want to go back and laugh at the dialog, as well as appreciate some of the hot banging.

Did I mention Joanna’s got some beautiful perfect HOT TITS?

You can find Vampire Cheerleaders HERE.

Screen shot from VAMPIRE CHEERLEADERS. Joanna Angel second from left, Tommy Pistol at right.
Screen shot from VAMPIRE CHEERLEADERS. Joanna Angel second from left, Tommy Pistol at right.

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